I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
