i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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