she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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