walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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