Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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