just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
