I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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