it hurts more in the daytime
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
