Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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