I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
