u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Farmville is her only friend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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