i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
