I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
