When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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