The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
