it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i think im in europe. pls send help
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize