An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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