I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
