Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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