awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
