I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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