he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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