Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
