We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
