There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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