She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
