My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
