I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
