When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
