he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
