haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
