At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
