The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
