1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
