i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
