i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
