If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A+ Viking dick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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