I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
