that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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