His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
