he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
