omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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