i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
