I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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