My sheets look like a crime scene.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
