I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
