dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You ate ashes out of my bong
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
