so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
