I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize