so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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