At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
