When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize