I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
