so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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