fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize