Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
