I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
