yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
