Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
