I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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