there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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