I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
