I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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