You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
