I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
