You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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