Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize